


The Venus Barbata of Shogi

by amageish



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gender Dysphoria, Non-Binary Togo Hifumi, Post-Canon, Queer Headcanons All The Way Down, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29579289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amageish/pseuds/amageish
Summary: Hifumi spaces out during a game of shogi with Hikari. She doesn't know why, as she should be able to relax.After all, it's a quiet night between girls... right?
Relationships: Togo Hifumi & Hikari (Persona Q2)
Kudos: 4





	The Venus Barbata of Shogi

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Implied/referenced sexism. General ambivalence towards gender with some dysphoria. Also copious amounts of misgendering.

The Venus of Shogi. 

A symbol of beauty. A symbol of femininity. And, if there is time for it, then maybe also a symbol of shogi talent.

But, for most tabloids, it’s just the first two, especially after the rigging scandal broke.

And… it wasn’t bad. Was it? 

She still had plenty of fans. She was a female icon, really. Sometimes women stop her on the street to thank her.

That’s good! It should be good.

It… sounds good.

Why doesn’t it feel good…

“Are you okay, Hifumi?”

Hikari stares at Hifumi from across a shogi board.

“Pardon?”

“Hifumi. You’ve been spacing out again…”

“Oh. Sorry. I’m okay, yeah!”

“Are you… sure?”

“Yeah. I guess I just haven’t had a chance to talk about things much since Ren moved away…”

“Well, do you want to talk then? Bottling things up is unhealthy.”

“It’s pretty common.”

“And that doesn’t make it healthy…”

“Right.”

“So… What’s up?”

“Well. How do you feel about… gender?”

“Eh. It’s overrated. Why?”

“Well… How do you feel when coverage of you and... your art is gendered?”

“It has its ups and its downs. My movies are an expression of my experiences, so it can feel really affirming when people recognize that. That said, gendering of my personhood and especially my body is… less nice, often bordering on actively gross. I am Hikari and I am a woman, but I am also an artist and i shouldn’t be defined by one thing. And I _certainly_ would not enjoy being nicknamed ‘the Venus of Movies’ or doing model shoots, not that I think there’s any risk of anyone asking me to do that any time soon.”

“Don't talk like that; you’re beautiful!”

“Well, thanks, but I think you’re dodging the point... What’s up? Have people been trash-talking you?”

“Oh, probably. I deleted my social media presence a long time ago so I wouldn’t know anyway…”

“Right... So, what is wrong then?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just often hear myself being talked about and it feels… wrong? Not just in how people dismiss my skill or say I am overrated or even when they say I am underrated… But, it’s like they’re describing someone who isn’t here? Someone who isn’t me?”

“That’s totally fine. Look, as a filmmaker, I think a lot about representation. A person captured in a piece of media isn’t a whole person. They may use you as a symbol, but they don’t know who you are. It’s just a construction, a pastiche of the real person that is Hifumi Togo. It's only natural to feel weird when viewing yourself through a refracted lens.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am…”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t have to wonder, but I do! I do every day when I look in the mirror…”

“No, Hifumi. I mean you don’t have to know.”

“I… don’t?”

“No. I barely know who I am and I… have had a lot of time for introspection. Give yourself time. Find out who you are. Find you what gives you joy - from hobbies, to clothes, to people. Let yourself explore. Pursuing happiness directly won’t make you happy; doing things that makes you happy makes you happy.”

“I… suppose that makes sense. Thanks, Hikari.”

“Anytime! Now, okay, this game isn’t going to go anywhere. Wanna watch a film with me? There’s a new high fantasy animated film that I think you’re going to love. The use of mise en scene to reflect the complicated political histories between the various countries the leads come from is amazing!”

“Oh. Sure. That sounds… really nice, Hikari.”

Hifumi smiles then, as Hikari leaves to grab the DVD, Hifumi sighs. 

There would be time to figure things out.

One doesn’t need to have their life figured out before the end of High School.

Even if it took years or decades...

They’d figure it out eventually. 

And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> I've been trying to clear out my old fic ideas backlog for a bit and some version of this has been there for a long time. When I first got into fanfic I was very into canon compliance, but I've come to really like headcanons and unique what-if spins on characters. Non-binary Hifumi being a really interesting one to me given the way gender defines both her public and personal life; I hope I did it justice.


End file.
